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Honest BookkeeperAll of the HORROR STORIES presented here, started with the first employment interview. Does the below sound and feel familiar? It should.

SCENE: You are interviewing a prospective bookkeeper. She enters your office and takes a seat in a chair across from you:

What was said

What was thought. . .

You: "How are you today?" A little heavy on the makeup but otherwise professional enough.
She: "I am very well, thank you. And you?" Nice office - I wonder how much cashflow is in this business.
You: "I have your resume in front of me and your experience looks very good". She obviously knows her stuff and will be able to handle things well. Thank goodness. I hate this stuff. It will be a welcome relief to have someone that I can rely on.
She: "Yes, I do have a good bit of experience." ... at making up all of this experience. Oh brother, if she only knew about my real last job. But thankfully, I have my brother Bob (working from home) that makes a really good reference.
She: "May I ask about your business? What do you do here?" I need to know if this job is worth my while
You: "I own a (fill in the blank) business with 10 employees. I have been in business for 6 years and we've been lucky - we've had some good growth which is why I need to bring on someone such as yourself on a full time basis." I hope she thinks the business would be interesting enough and substantial enough to consider the position.
She: "Congrats on your success." BINGO!!!!! I've hit the motherlode.
You: "Is it alright to call your references?" But judging from how you sound, it's probably not necessary - only a formality - mayby I'll skip it.
She: "Oh, of course, please feel free to call anyone." Like you will really get anything on me - I've covered my tracks pretty well. And since the previous employers listed on my resume don't really know what I got away with. . . well, absolutely, call.
You: "Well, assuming that your references are in order - when can you start?" Hopefully she doesn't have to give a 2 week notice - I really need her now!
She: "As soon as you'd like." Cash flow is getting thin.
You: "I just want to make sure that you understand what I am expecting - that you will be able to handle all of the daily financial transactions as well as the monthly close out." All I really want is to be able to devote myself to my business growth - the financial stuff is sooooo boring! Please just spoon feed this to me.
She: "Absolutely - I am qualified to handle all financial transactions and duties." Not to worry - just sit back and put me in the driver's seat. . . of course, where I'm going, you don't want to know.
You: "Well then, can you start Monday?" Neiman Marcus, here I come!

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